Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
