Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
