oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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