yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
