get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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