Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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