Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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