the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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