No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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