oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
