don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
