I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
