It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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