thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
