Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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