I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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