so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
