You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
