Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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