Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
