Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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