The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dick very happy bro
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
