Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
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We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
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Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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