I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
