I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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