So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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