Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The uberlube is also flammable
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
