At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
