She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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