no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
