Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
