In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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