idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
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You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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