explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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