i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
