Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize