Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
