So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
