He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
