Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
