I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
