Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
