um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
