I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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