I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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