do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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