i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
too bad you live with your parents still
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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