Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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