he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize