Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
