man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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