She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
