Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
