i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
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SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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