You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
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Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
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I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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