I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
