I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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