I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
