Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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