Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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