If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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