I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize