think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
