Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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