at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
