Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
