i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
