I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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